More Than One Persona?

I used to joke - with myself - that some things done by my neighbour 'must have been done by the other one of her'. We all have differing aspects to us, or maybe they are modes or moods.

Something she is 'into' is playing people off against each other without apparently ever getting herself into lumber: it's always the other guys. Sure I noticed, and uncleverly put it to one side as par for the course being played. Add it in with later concerns, and you'll know if you meet it one fine day.

This person certainly packs in a range of people and activities, and seems able to compartmentalise and switch from one to another with ease. That is something I actually find hard, I don't know why. If my head is deep into something it's like a physical pain to come out of that and get into something else.

Recently I overheard a conversation in what sounded like a 'social' or formal voice of hers, which was quite new to me, though the subject under discussion was anything but formal. Another of those anomalies, and it wouldn't do for us all to be the same, yet something made my blood run cold. It was the sort of voice people use in the street to put on a front, over a family member perhaps.

It set me wondering about the whole charade being enacted. This individual (or set of personae) looks natural, even wholesome, except for some puzzling bits and pieces and bad feelings. I have been fortunate to know people who would have pieced this mosaic together more successfully than I have. My husband would say 'It makes no sense. Best thing is to have absolutely nothing to do with them.' A colleague would say 'It's the unconscious that drives behaviour, dear.' A friend would tactfully ask whether I was thinking something present that may not be (I was right the last time she said it though).

My mentor would say something enigmatic with a twinkle in his eye, to get me to work it out. Being honest, I know this is not the only situation where this kind of thing has happened, always with an element of my not buying someone's act wholesale, or questioning motives. Although I've learned not to voice that, people can pick it up, and I get flak even if I haven't twigged yet.

Something weird is happening in this instance psychologically or behaviourally. As months roll awkwardly by, I am probably being used to score points with another person, or for a sense of triumph over me. Perhaps they just want to buy this house - now that could well figure.

Here's a gem that dropped into my head: You know the old movie about sisterly rivalry and deceit 'What Ever Happened to Baby Jane?' Don't take this literally but it could have oblique relevance. I was an only child (you guessed!) so I never had the old sibling rivalry thing going. Makes it harder for me to recognise what's staring me in the face hating me. But there was a weird upper lipcurl I didn't grasp at first. I recognised someone doing frantic antics in the hope of fooling me or others, over what, I can only hazard guesses.

The Poison Fairy

I have come across people who seem to switch personality quite significantly, sometimes literally not recalling things that seemed relevant. I'll leave this here for now. It has helped to clear my thinking. And I hope you can find some peace in your own situation.

We all dissociate, put things by, or dream to some extent, and have useful ways of handling things or just coping. When one person's problems become mine, for what I feel is no good reason, then I dig deeper. To coin a phrase, it is what I do, and obviously I am wrong a lot. Time will maybe tell.

I do not know if there were clues I should have picked up much earlier. I only wish I could have! The person or persons outlined here somehow fixated on me, rather than just ignore me. My every action gets clocked. All I can tell you is she smiles a lot, and yet seems hollow. The feeling I get is she earmarked me as the one to implode, but I'm a tough old boot who's survived much worse. I'd have preferred not to endure this troublesome episode over the past year, and hope I learned something. As you'll see, these neighbours are the ones moving out. It seems quite a sudden and secretive decision. The pseudo-stalking behaviour has worsened. Is that weird or what? At any rate it indicates an inability to leave me alone.

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